Saturday, July 13, 2013

This week's lessons learned


(1) Once again, people are insensitive because of their own lack of awareness and need to fulfill their own insecurities. Don't be fretted over trivial nuances (especially from those that are unaware of their own egos.)
(2) Some people just abuse the system. For the rest of us please remember that without your own moral code you really can't live a life of integrity. How will you measure your life?
(3) What may seem like a daunting task can turn out to be a useful and painless activity of self-discovery!
(4) Despite being born and brought up in the states, I still find some western traditions bizarre: fireworks. my kids will celebrate their first publication in a peer-reviewed journal...over cake.  
(5) email is a terrible indicator of tone. 
(6)with that said, some people are electronically abrasive
(7) always prepare more than you think you'll need to. 
(8) my salon is filled with bozos and has terrible customer service. Time to relocate.
(9) Not a lesson learned, but I think something that ought to be more publicized: What NOT to say to someone who is grieving. 
-->Please pay attention to #1. Good grief!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

A word about weddings and registries

We are in the middle of wedding season and many of my classmates from high school have decided to get married this year. Excellent. Wonderful. Wish you all a lifetime of happiness.

Ok, pleasantries are over. I feel compelled to comment on what I believe to be simply insane requests found on these wedding registries. Firstly, more and more individuals in my generation believe cohabitation with their significant other is a good idea. In fact, the number has increased to over 1500%. This nytimes piece has also stated that "couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not." Take from that what you will, but what I want to address is the fact that wedding registries used to be for items that neither person owns and will need when the couple starts their lives together--moving into a new house after marriage. Since most of these couples are already living together, this renders the question of whether the things found on these registries are actually needed. I have a minimalist friend who put this wonderfully: "registries have become a place for couples to upgrade to much nicer stuff." I'm sorry, but do you really need Vera Wang wine glasses-12 requested at $45 in three different styles amounts to over $1600 worth of wine glasses you most-likely already have and will probably never use???? (I have another friend that requested 3 sets of 12 Baccarat crystal goblets at $110.00. Having guests spend close to 4k on stemware is nuts.) When the case is made that cohabitation is necessary and helpful to minimize costs (or more crassly put-it's a good way to split the bills) why on earth are guests expected to shell out $125 for a crystal sugar dispenser when you feel the need to split a $70.00 cable bill with the apple of your eye?

I guess it is ok to purchase those things for yourself. It is quite another ordeal to request those things so shamelessly from your guests in this economy. There was a recent TIME magazine article that asserts that my generation has grown up to become more narcissistic than previous generations. I think these registries alone prove that fact. I'm not immune to this affliction of over-indulgence either, but I think my awareness of it enables me to correct the attitude and transform it into one where service to others is most important. I don't think I'd be writing this if any of the registries had included a donation to the Gates foundation or any other charitable organization.

I'll close this post by saying that not all my friends have displayed such gluttony in its finest form.  Another close friend of mine is getting married soon and has requested that no boxed gifts be sent because she will be moving to London afterwards. Perhaps the choice was more logistical, but I know her quite well and even if she were staying in the States I doubt she'd find a need to make her guests spend astronomical amounts on designer frilly bed covers and pillows. Just some food for thought while you munch on some canapés  at the next wedding you attend.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Etiquette Wednesday: Elevator Etiquette

I'd like to spend this post discussing elevator etiquette. The good news is that my elevator experiences are rather pleasant and I have not had much experience with rudeness so perhaps I am lucky (or perhaps the prospect of being in an enclosed space heightens the likelihood that others are more courteous.) Here goes:

(1) If you jump to be the first person on I find it of the utmost courtesy to press the 'Door Open' button to ensure everyone else gets on safely and also offer to press the floor button for others. This is situational, however, since in my residence I do this no problem but I find it more than awkward and unnecessary in my hospital.

(2) To talk or not to talk: I suppose if you don't know the other person the choice is up to you. I have made many friends in elevators but then again I make friends anywhere. I think remaining in silence is just as acceptable. Use your best judgment.

(3) To continue your conversation: If you are having a conversation with someone and then stepping on to an elevator, I think it's ok to continue the conversational so long as it's not extremely loud or inappropriate and that you're not talking over others. In that case, just hold off and continue when you and your friend/colleague get off the elevator.

(4) It is nice to hold the door open if you see someone running. I am, however, guilty of often not making the effort because more often than not I find that the 20 secs of silence in the elevator is nice. Rest assured, however, I have been taking the stairs more and more often (trying to get my 12,000 steps!)

(5) No one does this, but I find it extremely obnoxious that random people get on the elevator to go only one or two flights. I really just cannot comprehend the rationale behind this other than the fact that these people are lazy (especially if they're going down.) The elevators in the hospital take forever so I find it completely bizarre that people wait 5 minutes to get on the elevator when they easily could have taken the stairs. Typically I'll see the other floors that are lit up and if it's +/- 2 or 3 flights I'll get off on a different floor and then take the stairs. It's a little gift of time that I like to give the person who is getting off on floor 14 when floors 12 and 10 are already lit. There's no need for me to press floor 11. Come on people, use the stairs!

(6) Phone convos in my opinion are a big no-no and so rude. Please just talk outside.

Enjoy this Larry David clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Co57NEyw3s

Saturday, June 29, 2013

This Month's Lessons Learned

Ke$ha-Crazy Kids

(1) I have a soft-spot for Detroit.
(2) Sometimes the timing must right in order to achieve what you want to achieve. Sometimes you must wait for the best time. And then sometimes you just have to go for it.
(3) More often than not, people are insensitive or inconsiderate unintentionally not because they are purposely unkind, but more so because they want to do whatever makes them feel good at the time. Actually, this is much better said by The Daily Love: 
"Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
(4) The US Census Bureau may not actually be the US Census bureau. Beware!
(5) I really need to be more assertive.
(6) Back on my feet 12 hours a day is exhausting!
(7) 12,000 steps per day is definitely doable. (More on this later.)
(8) If someone wants to do something nice for you: let them.
(9) Some reassuring insights on truly confident people.
-Leave the spotlight to others and go out and just do it.
-Only seek approval from those who really matter.
-Own your mistakes and don't be afraid to look silly
-Never put others down and don't brag
-Know that asking for help does not demean or undermine your intelligence or capabilities
-Listen. Being quiet and unassuming is a very powerful position.
(10) Neighbors can sometimes be helpful. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

21st Century feminist: A poem by Marge Piercy

Back in the 7th grade I did a history project on women's suffrage. I was histrionic and theatrical back then too so for the introduction I did a one woman interpretive performance of a poem. Enjoy!

Marge Piercy-What are Big Girls made of?

The construction of a woman:
a woman is not made of flesh
of bone and sinew
belly and breasts, elbows and liver and toe.
She is manufactured like a sports sedan.
She is retooled, refitted and redesigned
every decade.

Cecile had been seduction itself in college.
She wriggled through bars like a satin eel,
her hips and ass promising, her mouth pursed
in the dark red lipstick of desire.

She visited in '68 still wearing skirts
tight to the knees, dark red lipstick,
while I danced through Manhattan in mini skirt,
lipstick pale as apricot milk,
hair loose as a horse's mane. Oh dear,
I thought in my superiority of the moment,
whatever has happened to poor Cecile?
She was out of fashion, out of the game,
disqualified, disdained, dis-
membered from the club of desire.

Look at pictures in French fashion
magazines of the 18th century:
century of the ultimate lady
fantasy wrought of silk and corseting.
Paniers bring her hips out three feet
each way, while the waist is pinched
and the belly flattened under wood.
The breasts are stuffed up and out
offered like apples in a bowl.
The tiny foot is encased in a slipper
never meant for walking.
On top is a grandiose headache:
hair like a museum piece, daily
ornamented with ribbons, vases,
grottoes, mountains, frigates in full
sail, balloons, baboons, the fancy
of a hairdresser turned loose.
The hats were rococo wedding cakes
that would dim the Las Vegas strip.
Here is a woman forced into shape
rigid exoskeleton torturing flesh:
a woman made of pain.

How superior we are now: see the modern woman
thin as a blade of scissors.
She runs on a treadmill every morning,
fits herself into machines of weights
and pulleys to heave and grunt,
an image in her mind she can never
approximate, a body of rosy
glass that never wrinkles,
never grows, never fades. She
sits at the table closing her eyes to food
hungry, always hungry:
a woman made of pain.

A cat or dog approaches another,
they sniff noses. They sniff asses.
They bristle or lick. They fall
in love as often as we do,
as passionately. But they fall
in love or lust with furry flesh,
not hoop skirts or push up bras
rib removal or liposuction.
It is not for male or female dogs
that poodles are clipped
to topiary hedges.

If only we could like each other raw.
If only we could love ourselves
like healthy babies burbling in our arms.
If only we were not programmed and reprogrammed
to need what is sold us.
Why should we want to live inside ads?
Why should we want to scourge our softness
to straight lines like a Mondrian painting?
Why should we punish each other with scorn
as if to have a large ass
were worse than being greedy or mean?

When will women not be compelled
to view their bodies as science projects,
gardens to be weeded,
dogs to be trained?
When will a woman cease
to be made of pain?

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Etiquette Wednesday: The Art of a Proper Thank You

I've alluded many time to my penchant for the written word and the craft of letter writing. Here I'll discuss the meaning of a handwritten thank you. Not much can be said beyond this wonderful article that discusses the whys of a proper hand-written letter, however, my personal sentiments are twofold. I believe that the main difference between email and putting an actual pen to paper is the idea of one spending their own time and physical energy in crafting a piece of gratuity.  Unlike the computer, we must really think about what to say since we cannot easily back track and delete. That alone is reason enough to continue this craft.  My second point rests in what the letter becomes once it is written. I often find handwriting very interesting and very telling of a person. We give a part of ourselves and our personalities when we offer a letter which we have written with our own hands. It becomes something for the receiver to have forever-something that makes us permanent and allows them to have a piece of us that extends beyond our mortality. Marcel Proust used to write his mum hand written letters and then slide them underneath her bedroom door. Recently, a letter from Francis Crick to his son explaining his scientific discovery of the DNA double helix and its context just sold through Sotheby's for $5.3m. I know that presents and things come and go in my life, but things I tend to keep are the letters and cards that I have received from friends. Just something to think about and not to mention, a handwritten letter almost always adds a touch of class.

Sunday, June 2, 2013